things the Cullens are not aloud to do
by HopelesslyAGirl
Summary: read the title.
1. Emmett Cullen

**Callie: Hello readers. I am Callie. I will be your author. Thanks for taking the time to stop by. I hope you enjoy my story.**

**Bob: Eh, eh, OUR story.**

**Callie: Oh sorry Bob... forgot about you there. Hehe.**

**Bob: Sure you did.**

**Callie: Whatever, on with the story!**

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1. Emmett is not allowed to send Bella to Africa in a tiny box.

2. Emmett is not allowed to wear a condom as a hat to Nessie's birthday party.

3. He can't throw hot dogs in the shower with Bella.

4. He is not allowed to blare Justin Bieber and do the disco in a thong.

5. He cannot model Alice's mini skirts.

6. He can't give Leah a vibe for x-mas so she can "cure sexual tension".

7. He cannot make waffles. Enough said.

8. He cannot dress as a vampire for hallow day.

9. He is not allowed to race a squirrel to the top of the coconut tree.

AND FINALLY:

#10

Emmett Cullen, is not allowed to stalk One Direction on Twitter.

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**Callie: I actually did the last one before.**

**Bob: So which character should we do next?**

**Callie: Leave your answer in the comments!**

**Both: BYE!**


	2. Alice Cullen

**Callie: Okay Bob has come down with a terrible illness. so it is just me today. So Alice got the most requests so I will be doing her. God that sounded wrong...**

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1. Alice is not allowed to redo Bella's room, wolf design.

2. Alice is not allowed shopping on the full moon.

3. Alice cannot cut Jacob's hair because it's "so eighties".

4. Alice is not aloud to stalk the American Family Insurance guy because she thinks he is hot.

5. Alice cannot dress Seth up as a ballerina for x-mas pictures.

6. Alice cannot masturbate while reading Jasper/Emmett fanfiction lemons.

7. Alice cannot put Bella's lap top in a tree until she lets her give her a make over.

8. Alice cannot criticize Justin Beiber's fashion sense. No one can.

9. Alice cannot paint with blood and call it art.

AND FINALLY!

#10

Alice Cullen is not allowed to hide skittles in Bella's pillow and blame Edward.

* * *

**Callie: So who next? We had a few Carlisle requests and an Esme... Who next?**


	3. Carlisle Cullen

**Callie: Wow guys, I got a review like... 10 minutes after posting the last chapter. CARLISLE IT IS!**

**Did I mention Bob is my cat?**

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1. Carlisle is not allowed to play bumper cars with Nessie.

2. He cannot flirt with the nurses behind Esme's back.

3. He is not supposed to hide Emmett's x-box, as it can lead to injury, and on occasion, be fatal.

4. He cannot go trick or treating dressed as Pedo Bear. He just can't.

5. He cannot tell the nurses that he was the doctor in, The Expressionless.

6. He cannot kick Bella out because she is a strange specimen and he claims that she is much to difficult to study.

7. He must not claim to see dead people.

8. He cannot force Esme to bake cookies for the first annual 'Cullens Eat Human Food Day'.

9. He cannot dress up as a clown, go to a birthday party, and steal all the cake.

AND FINALLY

#10

Carlisle Cullen is not allowed to tell Bella she has herpes.

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**Callie: So? Bob should be better soon. I took him to the vet at 6am. T.T Sooo tired. Anyways, the vet said it is a common cat cold, and he will be better in no time!**


	4. Rosalie Hale

**I am highly surprised at how fast this is growing. Already six reviews! Thanks guys! I got a Rosalie request, so here we go!**

* * *

1. Rosalie is not allowed to tie Bella to a tree in the middle of the forest, and put peanut butter one her.

2. Rosalie cannot dress up as a playboy bunny for hallow day, as sexy as it would be.

3. She cannot replace the lipstick in Alice's make up with molded chucks of chocolate.

4. She cannot open porn on Bella's phone and show Edward.

5. She cannot as Edward if the reason he hasn't lost his virginity yet, is because he is gay.

6. She cannot destroy Emmett's x-box because he won't notice her.

7. She cannot put laxatives in Bella's hot chocolate.

8. She cannot super glue tampons to Bella's truck.

9. She cannot super glue Bella's truck door shut.

AND FINALLY

#10

Rosalie Hale is not allowed to force Jasper to watch Justin Bieber until his eyes explode.

* * *

**So did that fulfill your need for Rosalie? Hope it did! Which was your favorite? Who should I do next?**


	5. Esme Cullen

**I have got a bunch of Esmé requests, so here she is!**

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1. Esmé is not allowed to wear Bella's clothes unless it is and emergency. Period.

2. She cannot watch pedo bear movies.

3. She cannot play nyan cat. It will scar her innocent mind, along with #2.

4. She cannot dress up like Carramelldansen and film a knock off of the dance.

5. She cannot try to conceive a child.

6. She cannot eat pop tarts.

7. She cannot dress as a dragon and chase Jacob.

8. She cannot accuse Seth of raping Edward.

9. She cannot tickle Emmett.

AND FINALLY

#10

Esmé cannot play Guitar Hero. She just can't.

* * *

**Okay, I get if y'all are disappointed. I really just see Esmé as an innocent character, so this chapter was hard. hope you enjoyed it at least a bit though. Who next? **


	6. Bella Swan

**-_- You guys are so difficult. I got a request for Bella, one for Edward, and one for Jasper, so I chose Bella. Also have you guys seen 1D's Just Can't Let Her Go? It is sooo awesome! Anyways, here you go! Also I forgot, they are making another Twilight movie and it should be out 2014. It is called Midnight Sun.**

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1. Bella is not allowed to get drunk and to the hokie pokie.

2. Bella cannot try to kill James with garlic. "Remember Bella, this is sparkly vampires we are talking about. garlic doesn't work on them.

3. Bella cannot 'Blood Sext' James.

4. She cannot stalk Tom Felton on tumblr.

5. She cannot dress up as Winnie the Pooh for hallow day. That is my job.

6. She cannot stuff chicken nuggets with mustard and eat them like a donut.

7. She cannot buy a wig and act like Rosalie.

8. She cannot wear a thong. Period.

9. She cannot listen to S&M on her ipod. Bad influence.

AND FINALLY

#10

Bella Swan cannot dare Emmett to eat a tampon.

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**Lolzers, so yeah I am currently very... bored. And sad. Very sad. PM me? LETS TALK!**


	7. PLEASE READ APOLOGY

Hey guys...

I am writing this as an apology. I should not have posted that last chapter, which

is why I deleted it. I should have never even considered putting my problems in your mind.

My parents had a huge fight a stupid little thing that could have easily been avoided, and my mom kicked my dad out.

That was last night. My head is clear now.

The problem was, that my mom had chosen to come in my room -no reason whatsoever- and begin yelling and screaming at me.

All over a f*cking cup that broke.

My parents made up some time last night though.. I am sorry for posting that.

I shouldn't have.

-H


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